At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
