plz talk dirty to me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
