he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
