I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
