Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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