I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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