Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
