Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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