You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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