It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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