you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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