They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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