I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
