i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
