so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Boobs are out for the taking
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
