if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
