Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
