STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
