so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
