There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
