I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
