I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
