We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
