My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
