if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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