i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
