everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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