my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
