Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
