see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he thought i was a dude.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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