More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
