We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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