i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
