What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
