operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
