my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
