I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
