Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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