Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
