Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
