Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
