covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i can't believe i had my finger in that
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
