Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
