Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
