Sry I called you an 8
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
