so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
