Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
