Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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