How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
