Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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