How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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