I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
