Soap is not a condiment
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
