capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
