Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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