My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You dont lie about slip and slides
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
