I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
